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Obama Inauguration Headlines

Tragedy On The Hudson (An Alternate View)

NEW YORK -Tragedy struck yesterday when two geese who were minding their own business were viciously plowed into by a US Airways passenger jet taking off from LaGuardia Airport. Two year old Harry Mallard and one year old Steve Goose were taking off with friends from their favorite marshland when the pair was horribly sucked into each of the aircraft's engines. A nearby duck who witnessed the incident said, "They were there one moment, and then 'poof', they were gone."
Relatives are planning to bring charges of reckless endangerment and negligent gooseslaughter against the pilot.


Harry and Steve, who had been lifelong friends, are shown in this undated photo.

National Service Day

A nationwide day of volunteer service is occurring this Monday, and many events are taking place over the weekend as well.
Go to the USA Service website and find an event near you by typing in your zip code.
The staff of cellophane 66 will be helping to repair a state park hiking trail. Join the renewal!

My Beer With George W. Bush

The thing I like about George is he’s the kind of guy you can have a beer with.

7:30 PM – George agrees to have a beer with me! We’re meeting at the Hightower Bar. I’ll get there early.

8:00 PM – George walks in right on time with a big Hello and promptly gives everyone in the bar 30 bucks each. The place goes wild! Awesome. This is going to be a great night.

8:05 PM – (George’s generosity must’ve gotten the best of him because he quietly borrows some cash from Harry Wong, a local manufacturer who sits in a darkened corner booth. But, hey, everyone’s having a good time. It’s worth it).

8:15 PM - George goes into the kitchen and makes them turn off the fan over the barbecue grill. Smoke fills the bar, and it's hard to breathe. People try to open windows, and we all get used to it.

8:30 PM - After a short time, I've had a couple of beers, and it’s really relaxed. We talk about all kinds of regular stuff that guys talk about, and everyone in the place is having a pretty good time.

8:34 PM – Everything is good.

8:35 PM – Some scary guy I’ve never seen before walks into the bar, punches George in the face for no apparent reason, and walks out. I think ‘what the f**k’ as George gets to his feet pretty shaken.
George goes outside to find the guy to give him the whoopin’ he deserves.

8:40 PM – George comes back in and says he can’t find him. I say relax, we’ll find him, lets have another beer. George grabs someone else sitting at a table and hauls off and belts him. I say whoaa, that’s Hassan who owns the Kwik Mart. He’s not the dude who hit you. George says that if Hassan had the chance he’d kill everyone in the bar. I’m like, I heard he’s an asshole, but are you sure? And he says I KNOW he would.

8:45 PM – Some goons I’ve never seen before, but look to be friends of George, drag Hassan out the door giving him a few extra shots to the gut for good measure. The mood is a little tense, but George announces loudly to the whole place that “it’s taken care of”. Just drink up, and go shopping tomorrow he says. We order another round.

10:00 PM – My friend Tony who I went to high school with says “Pssst” to get my attention and calls me over. I ask him what’s up. He says holy shit I just walked into the men’s room and there were some goons forcing a hooded guy to strip and masturbate while they took pictures of him. Blink. What?
They had a car battery hooked up to his balls!
George calls me back to the table as Tony disappears saying, if you gotta pee, go outside! I don’t see Tony after that.

10:30 PM – George says, see that blonde sitting over there, she’s an undercover agent for the CIA. I ask, if she’s undercover, shouldn’t it be a secret? He says it’s not a secret because he just told me.

10:45 PM – An Arabian man walks in wearing the full outfit. He and George walk together to the pinball machine and stand there holding hands. I think to myself, that’s weird.

10:55 PM - The bar owner announces the bar won’t be closing at the usual 11PM but will stay open until 2AM. Half the customers seem happy about it. Everyone else looks a little nervous. I ask George is he feeling a little hot in here? He says no - it’s just right.

11:00 PM – A big fella at the next table takes a bite of a chicken wing and keels over clutching his throat. I yell that he’s been poisoned or something. George says that Harry Wong makes those chicken wings so don’t worry about it.
Also, someone near the jukebox is being held down and water is being forced down his throat.

11:10 PM - I'm holding my pee in really hard because I'm afraid to go into the men's room.

11:15 PM – I almost have a heart attack when I hear a shotgun blast from the back of the bar. Tables go flying and all hell breaks lose. I can see through the panicked crowd that old man Crowley, the retired lawyer, has a face peppered with birdshot! Someone screams go f**k yourself Cheney!
George yells relax! He ain’t dead.

11:20 PM – There’s a crack of thunder, and it starts raining damn heavy outside. I’m already feeling uneasy when the men’s room door is kicked open and a friggin’ dead guy is carried passed me – his face all bruised and swollen. George says he hates to see that kind of thing, but one hand has to feed the other. I ask what that means. He says put another beer on you.

11:30 PM – It’s still raining real bad as George borrows more money from Harry Wong, and then, from a lot of other people.
I feel badly about not saying goodbye, but I decide to slip out, but I can’t because the door is locked. People are looking just plain scared now.

12:30 AM – The rain finally stops but the building must have some kind of a serious drainage problem because water comes pouring in from the back of the place like I’ve never seen before.

12:45 AM - Everyone scrambles to get the water out. I turn to ask George if he can find a bucket and help, but he’s gone. I can’t find him anywhere.
After that it’s just a whole lot of frantic people trying to bail the place out and lets just say it doesn’t go very well. Everybody collapses from exhaustion, and it’s pretty much a total loss. George walks in. I ask him where the hell were you? He says he left because he had to go clear some brush. Anyway, he says, there’s no more money. The front door that was locked most of the night is somehow not locked any more, and he just walks out and says he doesn’t think much about short term history.

2:00 AM – Closing Time!
Barack walks in. Everybody notices because, I’ll be honest, a guy like that doesn’t walk into a place like this very often.
He says, damn, this place is a mess. I say, yep. He says we have to stop that stuff that was going on in the men’s room. I say, no argument here. He says we’ve got to bail the water out, clean the place up and rebuild from scratch, And that we can’t just keep borrowing money from everyone. And if we all pitch in, we might be okay. And, oh yeah, the man who took the shotgun blast to the face should be taken to the hospital.
I say all that’s a tall order, professor, can we do it? He says we’ll try.
I say, darn, I should’ve had a beer with you. He says we better get straight to work. I say, good idea, I’ve had too much to drink already.

Photo

Staged animal photo by Amy Stein from a series called domesticated. (I read somewhere it's taxidermy!)

Street Art UK

Artist: Mobster.

Fanatico Di Ferrari

Six minutes with a crazed Ferrari race fan. Way too long, but I couldn't stop watching.

Photo

by Tuomo Rainio.

Happy New Year

"Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better man." - Benjamin Franklin

Happy Christmas

Keys to a new car. 1955 Cadillac advertisement via Plan 59.

How Interesting People Organize Their Days

Daily Routines is a blog about how notable writers and artists fill their days (past and present). Here is Charles Darwin's routine:

7 a.m. Rose and took a short walk.
7:45 a.m. Breakfast alone
8–9:30 a.m. Worked in his study; he considered this his best working time.
9:30–10:30 a.m. Went to drawing-room and read his letters, followed by reading aloud of family letters.
10:30 a.m.– 12 or 12:15 p.m. Returned to study, which period he considered the end of his working day.
12 noon Walk, starting with visit to greenhouse, then round the sandwalk, the number of times depending on his health, usually alone or with a dog.
12:45 p.m. Lunch with whole family, which was his main meal of the day. After lunch read The Times and answered his letters.
3 p.m. Rested in his bedroom on the sofa and smoked a cigarette, listened to a novel or other light literature read by ED [Emma Darwin, his wife].
4 p.m. Walked, usually round sandwalk, sometimes farther afield and sometimes in company.
4:30–5:30 p.m. Worked in study, clearing up matters of the day.
6 p.m. Rested again in bedroom with ED reading aloud.
7.30 p.m. Light high tea while the family dined. In late years never stayed in the dining room with the men, but retired to the drawing-room with the ladies. If no guests were present, he played two games of backgammon with ED, usually followed by reading to himself, then ED played the piano, followed by reading aloud.
10 p.m. Left the drawing-room and usually in bed by 10:30, but slept badly.

Twin Towers

Still in the planning stage in 1964. Courtesy Modern Mechanix.

Abandoned Places Antarctica

Dark Roasted Blend has a good post of abandoned Antarctica . More photos here.

Graphic. 1957 Schwinn Tornado

Via Plan 59.

Avett Brothers

"For Today", a sad, sweet song by The Avett Brothers from North Carolina. First line: I was walking with your left hand in my back pocket...

Christmas Cheer

Via Square America

Palin. The Movie

Quote

"I don't spend a lot of time really worrying about short-term history. I guess I don't worry about long-term history, either, since I'm not going to be around to read it -- (laughter) -- but, look, in this job you just do what you can." - George W. Bush

Immersion

A great series of still photos of children playing video games appeared recently in The New York Times magazine section. It was created by photographer Robbie Cooper. I've just learned that the stills were taken from video footage that is just as fascinating to watch.
Here it is: